We have a fun tradition at the congregation I serve.  When we are welcoming new members, we host a “New Member Mixer” so that new members can meet current members.  The hope is that new members leave knowing a few people’s names and making a connection that paves the way for future conversations. 

But I don’t expect that this is magically going to happen on its own.  Inevitably, as our mixer gets rolling, and people get their coffee and nibbles, they gravitate to those they know.  Their family members.  Their life-long friends.  Their people.  And the incoming members, who have had a few classes together by this point, gravitate to each other too.  As I watch all this happen, I can feel the nervousness in the room.  It’s vulnerable to be the new person taking a seat at a table alone, wondering if anyone is going to come and talk to them.  It’s vulnerable to be the long-time member and make the move across the room to start a conversation with someone who is almost a stranger.

So to give this awkward moment some structure, we do a mixer activity that resembles speed dating.  Sounds less awkward, right?

Here’s how it goes.  I invite new members to take a seat, each at a different table, and for the entire exercise they stay put in that same seat.  Then current members are invited to go take a seat at a table with one of the new members. Often that means that one new member is at a table with two to four current members.  Then I provide three questions and the table has 10 minutes for everyone to get to respond to the questions.  After ten minutes, current members are asked to get up and go to a new table, mixing about the room, so hopefully the next table has a new mix of new and current members.  I provide a new set of questions for each round.  And by the way, everyone is wearing a name tag so that we can all practice names throughout the conversations.

Earlier this summer, we had the opportunity to have a New Member Mixer.  I was amazed, yet again, at what can get shared in these 3 x 10-minute exchanges!  Folks dived right in when they were asked to share about a time they were sure of God’s presence and those experiences were heartfelt and profound.  We learned about people’s passions and what fills their lives.  We left feeling connected to the new members AND the people we had been worshipping with for years.  Without fail, at these New Members Mixers, I always hear someone say, “I never knew that about you!”

When our council reflected on the New Member Mixer, one person shared how, even though she had been at the congregation her entire life, it felt vulnerable to step towards someone unknown.  Someone else reflected about how much fun she had and how much she learned about others.  And there was this shared sense that in the playfulness of the whole thing, something holy happened.  That holiness was in the connection—to self, to the other, to God who shows up in the midst of the stories and around the table with those who tell them.

If you’d like to try your own New Member Mixer, here’s a list of the questions I use.  Adapt as needed. Have some fun as you share some stories around the table.

New Member Mixer Questions

Round One

Round Two

Round Three